Effelants

My name is John Bogdan McGowan but my Granddad calls me half-a-pole and Bess is his dog. I am 3 ¾ and Bess is 113 ½ in youman years and granddad says she is like life and the conomy becaws she is a bitch and she is bloxed. He calls her Bessdog now caws she chased the bugglers away. My Grandad and me saw effelants in the azoo doing number toos and we runned away. Granddad said he will get me the book by bartur with Arthur. He says tree pints will do it but too with a modik amodic a bit of luck. He says pints don’t grow on trees. He says he will get the pote to sing the book and when the pote is faymus like Shaymus it will be part of my heritance like my gold Panda. My mammy says my granddad is stone mad.

From: John Bogdan McGowan